I typed this on July 8, 2008, but I didn't post it. I have decided to share it now.
Sometimes I wonder if everything is really going to be okay. I am not sure about school, or my mom, or my marriage, my mental health and all the little things. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I feel like I am not going to be able to take my next breath. Chris and I have been faced with a lot of major decisions lately. I guess it's just part of being a grown up. I have been struggling about what classes, if any, to take this fall. I won't get an internship, and I won't graduate in December. If I make a D in finance, I may not ever be accepted to graduate school. We have talked about things like me being away from home for weeks at the time. And even more serious things like genetic testing. But on the flip side, God has given me an opportunity to care for my mom during this difficult time. Chris is really supportive of me. Our marriage has gotten stronger, even though we don't see each other as much. So why I am whining? Good question. I have been arguing with God about several issues, and I am pretty sure He won. I know all of this stuff I am going through is for a greater purpose, but sometimes I want to say, "God, are you sure all of this is supposed to be happening to me?" I don't, because I know the answer. But I still want to ask sometimes.
"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4
2 comments:
I love your face. A lot. Every time. Bigboystyle.
I think there is ground round burning on the stove because Jonathan turned it on and wandered off....
Isn't God great!! I love that verse and have read it so many times over the last year and a half. Sometimes it's hard to keep things in perspective. I try to think about all the trials and hard things Jesus endured and think how priviliged I am to be put through things like He was. Not that I am anywhere close to Jesus, but you know what I mean. Keep on keeping on!! You are awesome, and I am so thankful that you let God work through you. I love your blog.....you probably have no idea how much it affects people.
Oh-I am also thankful that I am not the only one who thinks and worries about my mental health!!! ;)
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