Wednesday, March 25, 2009
i can't get myself to go away
I have many things to post about. Last night I read through some old posts. I am even flakier than I gave myself credit for. I still haven't made an appointment to see an eye doctor or cleaned out the garage or really gotten the guest room in acceptable order. 2009 is not going how I want it to be going so far. I thought for sure my mom would be home and doing well, and I would be establishing my career and trying to get into grad school. Instead I can't find a job, I keep procrastinating the GRE, and I mope around a lot missing my mom. I have been in somewhat of a mental fog the past few weeks, and I am starting to come out of it a little. Re-reading some posts help me re-focus some thoughts. Sort of. As much as I can re-focus, I guess. I just have to say that God's planning is so perfect, and it really is hard for me to wrap my head around that. I mean, I always knew that, but the more things I think about and go over in my head, the more I realize His goodness. Of course sometimes I think, "Why us?" but of course I know the answer to that. Why not us? I started on my book over the weekend. I have been keeping all of these thoughts in my head, and I just had to get them out in writing. It will probably take me five years or so to finish, but that is okay. I always thought I would write a book of some kind, but never about patient advocacy/TQM. Chris has also been blind-siding me with some things, like babies and moving and such. Let me tell you, having a discussion about when to have a child is the most surreal and weird conversation I have ever participated in. After we finished talking about it, I asked Chris if we really just did that. I am way more freaked out about the whole kid thing than Chris. I am just now starting to be okay with having a kid, but apparently Chris thinks about it all the time. We talked about sooner than later, but decided for later. However, 2009 ISN'T going as planned, so God may have something in store. Ha. The Texas trip is exciting though. Chris will not have another break from school until August 2010. We got his schedule for third year today. Starting in July, he will be on call every third day. Madness. Like I said before, med school is just getting us ready for residency. 2009 has made me realize how many wonderful people I have in my life, and that is pretty spectacular. Right now I am trying to be patient and see what God has in store for us next. Like I said, His timing is perfect.
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5 comments:
Just be glad you are having a conversation about having a baby and not be pregnant and have a conversation about having a baby.
You will be a WONDERFUL mom! You are great with kids.
Love You!
LOL at Beth... that's true, that's very true.
I don't think you're a flake. I'm sure you feel like a flake because you're not getting things accomplished that seem like you should be able to get them accomplished, but when I compare lists the stuff you are not doing is the same kind of stuff that I am not doing. Maybe THAT is why I think you're not a flake... because if you're a flake, I am too. At any rate, we are on the same team.
I've been thinking a lot of things for the past couple of months that probably seem really cold-hearted and unfeeling to people who DON'T have a relationship with Christ. But it's not that I'm against pepole or anything like that, I'm just secure knowing that God is in control and will have His way - even when I'm begging for something else. Since December my prayer life and habits have changed dramatically.... (although for the past few weeks I feel like I have really been slacking in that area altogether. Hmm...)
I am excited about your book. I don't care if it takes you TEN years, I think it needs to be done. And I think you're an excellent choice for it, because of your connections and experiences and because it will be easy to remind you that it should be God writing this book through you, and He will do with it what He wants to. That takes off a lot of pressure, if you ask me...
I bet Chris is as freaked out as you about it, but he's looking at it from a double-dose of a completely different perspective. Bless him, he probably already knows more about pregnancy than any man should have to. BUT at the same time, he is still a man, and even his sweet wifey being pregnant is NOT the same thing as being pregnant himself. So....... If people would stop having babies, Chris might not think about it so much. haha (And along that line of thinking, Jonathan says he doesn't want another baby for six years. I laughed in his face.)
OKAY, I'm going to call to check on Jonathan and then go BACK to bed. (It is raining SO HARD at our house...) QD just made discontented noises, but I'm hoping since it's so dark he will cuddle with me and his puppies (they slept with us once it started raining, all three of them... I'm so glad they aren't real puppies, or I would have been in the floor a couple of times) and we will sleep late.... probably nt, but it's worth hoping for.
I LOVE YOU!!!
Ok- Amamnda you are so very far from being a flake! I won't even take the time to write about the things I haven't accomplished that I planned. For instance, I am sitting at work with 3 kids waiting on me to take a test while I type this......priorities, priorities!!! Really though, I think that when we go through hard times we realize what's important. It's not always cleaning, etc. I think you are fabulous in all you do and will make a wonderful mom whenever the time comes......sooner or later. God is really using you and Chris for His work. I love you guys and pray for ya'll often.
i duv you! thanks for everything
Ok, so obviously I don't know you all that well, but I would say you are so not a flake. Everyone puts off those types of things. And as for the baby issue, Josh and I struggle with the same thing. I'm not getting any younger, but I'm just not ready! I can barely take care of my dog, and work, and keep the house from being a disaster zone. Like you said, either you will know when it's right, or God will know for you!
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