what now?

That is really the only thought in my head. Tomorrow Chris will go back to school, Dad will go back to work, and my grandparents will go back to Florida. Brooks and I are going back to Tuscaloosa to unpack and wash clothes and see what kind of shape the house is in...I almost don't remember what my own house looks like. I will probably work on some thank you notes. Dad is coming to our house tomorrow night for dinner. He will be staying with us on and off for the next few weeks, or however long he feels like. We all have a different kind of hurt, so we all have to re-adjust our lives in a different way.

Tuesday night Chris&Dori are bringing dinner to our house. Wednesday I am eating lunch with Megan. I am going to try to have lunch with Amy one day this week or next week (haven't we been trying to get together since August?). One day I am going with Dad to help him pick out a new cell phone. I also have to help him pay bills, since he is pretty new at handling all that stuff.

I didn't even cry last night at the funeral home. I just couldn't, knowing that my mom is in heaven. There were A LOT of people that came to the viewing and the funeral. It was all kind of a blur, a slow-motion blur. Chris said it went by too fast, but I couldn't agree. I only teared up a little today, because I hurt for my dad. I thought the service was very appropriate for my mom. The white casket/white flowers turned out exactly how I wanted it to. (This is turning into a somewhat morbid post, but oh well.) The songs were great.

There were a couple of encounters with dumb people. Most all of them were relatives (actually all three of the dumb encounters were with relatives from one side of the fam, and I am very tempted to state which side, but I won't right now) and they are so dumb that they will never know how silly and inappropriate they acted. And they don't read my blog (I know for a fact) so I guess they will continue to live in ignorance forever. Sigh. If they did read my blog, then they would have had an advanced warning of my intolerance for ridiculousness. Everyone else had wonderful things to say about my mom and dad, or they just said they didn't know what to say. I was overwhelmed by the turn-out. Many people traveled a long way to be there, and I am grateful for that. My parents are truly an incredible example. My mom was such a wonderful lady.

People kept telling me things like, "You're so strong," or "You're such an inspiration," but I don't really feel like that at all. I feel like God placed my family and me exactly where He needed us to be, and He set the standards of how we were supposed to act (re-act? adapt? behave? obey? I think obey works best here), and we rose to the occasion. At least, I feel like we did. I want my mom's story to continue. I guess I typed all of this to say that I am not sure exactly what to do now. But whatever comes next doesn't really matter. God has that figured out for me.