tried to go to bed at a "normal hour" (eleven or so)...wide awake by three thirty...too hot in the house and bad dreams and acid churning in my stomach...been thinking a lot about family...and what it means...don't really know anymore...scared & confused...nervous a lot...keep asking hcs if i am TOO crazy...according to him, not yet, but not so sure...looking for answers in the wrong places always leads to disappointment...disappointment also comes from relying on others...nothing will ever be the same...starting to come to terms...mind feels like it is going to shut down, but it doesn't...wish it would just work a little bit better but that probably won't happen either...sadness...laughter at inappropriate but funny situations...laughing to keep from crying, singing to keep from screaming...learning to be thankful for small things...Lord, thank you for your goodness and glory and for another day of life and for chris and brooks...and this diet coke.
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You know, I was awake at the same time thinking some of the same things... from a different slant, obviously, but the words to describe it to other people are pretty much the same. I wonder why that has to be that way... we have so many words floating, but when we're struggling the most is when we can't find the ones we need.
That reminds me of when I realized that all noise sounds the same if you get it loud enough.
ANYWAY, I love your face. AND I was very proud of QD this morning. He stormed off toward the kitchen and I thought "Oh great, here we go with the fit-pitching..." but he stopped in front of the fridge and demanded "JUICE!!" very clearly. I was so excited I didn't even tell him "Say please."
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