these are the good ol' days

house

sea oats

Dolphins

Shells

I love this pup. And he LOVES the beach.

I love this guy. He's my favorite.

Silly Boys

I have no idea what they were looking at.

I'm proud of my weight loss, but you didn't think I would post a full bikini shot, did you?

No oil here!

Us

Family Shot

guess where we've been???

More pics coming soon!

purse bibles are just as good as regular bibles

I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end He will stand upon the earth. After my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God. I myself will see him with my own eyes-I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me! Job 19:25-27

Therefore, I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against someone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. Mark 11:24-25

Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7

slow-burning fire

I read a book by Paul Loeb called Soul of a Citizen. In one part of the book it talks about taking the raging fury that can consume us and make us forget why we are fighting for change. Transfer that energy into a slow-burning fire, so that it can be used to change the world. This sounds a little weird (Chris doesn't approve of my "crazy liberal books") but it is very applicable in my life right now.

I am sure that everyone has read my mom's CaringBridge update by now. My dad asked me not to bash anyone in the update, so I will say what I need to say on my blog. (Yay for blogs!) We had another wild day. Last night was horrible. Mom's fever and cough worsened, and she also had tremors. We went to the clinic this morning. The nurse told us that the CT showed that Mom has pneumonia. I was shocked because Dr. Jerky McJerkerson didn't even want her to have a CT. Dad and I went (more like marched down the hall) to the charge nurse at the main desk. All of the other nurses and some other patients were within hearing distance. I asked the charge nurse what he was going to do. He kinda shrugged and stuttered and said there still weren't any rooms available. My hands were shaking because I was so infuriated. (My anger is not directed at him because there were no rooms but that it took so long for someone to admit that there was a problem.) There were stacks of charts on the counter, and I actually thought about throwing the charts down the hall. I knew it would cause a big mess and I WANTED to cause a big mess, to express how I was feeling at that moment. But I reeled it in, and told him that it was fine that they didn't have any rooms. I would just put her on a plane and we would take her to UAB because I know that they would admit her. I told him, "I WANT MY MOTHER TO BE ADMITTED TO A HOSPITAL AND OBSERVED BY A PHYSICIAN!!!" He told me he understood, and he would consult with Dr. Jerky to see what they could do. I said no, that is not acceptable either, because he is a rude, terrible physician. His eyes got really wide and he said that he would call Dr. Jerk's boss. Okay, I can deal with that. We went to Mom's room, and I called her myeloma doctor's CELL PHONE and left a message. Dad called the head myeloma research nurse to tell her that we were going to be admitted at UAMS and if that wasn't possible then we were flying home to be admitted to UAB. She said that wasn't a good idea, and good ol' Dave said, "I'll tell you what isn't a good idea..." Anyway, a little while after all that she started coughing and got out of breath and started getting tremors, worse than last night. Her O2 level was 48 (90 is around normal). Her heart rate jumped to around 180, her nails got blue, and they couldn't detect a pulse. She was conscious during all of this, and her blood was circulating, not very well. A rapid response team came bursting in and put her on some oxygen, then carried her to ICU. It was so scary. The oxygen has helped get her heart rate back to normal, and she is still coughing some. Chris told me this morning that he thought it sounded like a fungal pneumonia, since the fever was not responding to antibiotics. After I got off the phone with Chris, I asked the charge nurse if she had been test for fungal pneumonia and he said that she had, and it was negative. Guess what the head infectious disease doc diagnosed her with at 5:30 tonight? PCP, which is fungal pneumonia, which is what a second year med student thought. (The smartest med student ever, and when am I gonna learn he is NEVER wrong about this stuff?) How frustrating to deal with such people! I am glad that she is FINALLY in a room, after 11 days of running fevers and Dad and myself telling people that something is not right. The head infectious disease physician seems to know what is going on. I will have a better judgement in the morning.

Back to the slow-burning fire. No one should go through what my mom did. She was so sick, and her symptoms should have been addressed last week. I am going to start by writing a letter, and maybe sending some emails, and I will probably make a few more phone calls. I have really thought about what to say. I have to keep my anger suppressed but still existing in order to express my thoughts and concerns in a manner that will be heard. I am not doing this to say, "I told you so," I am simply demanding (yes, demanding) better care for myeloma patients, especially the ones that temporarily move to Little Rock for treatment. What makes me so mad is that her myeloma is in full remission and she is doing great in that aspect, but the wahoos at UAMS can't even tell when a patient has pneumonia? Unacceptable. Mom has to come back two more times for chemo consolidation, plus every few months for testing. These problems MUST be dealt with. I insist.

There is a lot from today that I left out. I am running on fumes, so I am going to bed now. Feel free to ask questions, because this may not make any sense at all as I type thru my delirium...

Please continue to pray for patience for me. Peace for my dad. Healing for my mom.

most frustrating day

Whew. Take a breath. We are finally home from the hospital. I did not strangle anyone. I didn't even yell. I raised my voice a little, but just loud enough to be taken seriously.

My mom has been fighting a fever for over a week. She goes to a clinic every day, but she doesn't see a physician every day, just once a week. Her physician's office is in a different building. I was already frustrated that no one was addressing her fever. One-oh-three and one-oh-four fevers are not something that should be taken lightly, especially in a person with no immune system. I was also frustrated because the nurses at the clinic were inconsistent in hand-washing and verifying name and date of birth (these kind of mistakes lead to things like RSV or drug errors). I expressed these concerns to the myeloma doctor. She didn't understand why the nurses at the clinic did not seek a physician's advice over Mom's situation. Then the myeloma doctor called an infectious disease specialist in the room to see Mom. I told him that someone had dropped the ball (those were my exact words) and I wanted to know why this hadn't been addressed. Apparently, he was the ball-dropper. He got all defensive. I told him there was no need to be defensive, I just want her issues to be addressed NOW. He said that if Dad and I couldn't take care of her, then she should be admitted. I told him that we were perfectly capable of taking care of her, but that I thought it was spectacular for her to be admitted so she could be observed by someone besides nurses. (I am NOT bashing nurses, nurses are great. I just feel in this situation a physician/s should have been involved.) He snapped at Dad when Dad told him that the antibiotics weren't helping. He called for her to be admitted, only to discover that there were no beds in the hospital. We waited about an hour while the nurses argued on the phone for a bed, no luck. He said we could go to the ER (gross, germs, STILL no bed) or back to the clinic. We went to the clinic and got more fluids. We also found out that the infectious disease doctor did not order the fluids and tests Mom needed. What a jerk. We finally got that straight, after I threatened to take her to UAB (oh yes, I did). Her myeloma doctor and the infectious disease doctor seemed to be clashing over course of treatment. We went and had a CT scan. No one can tell us if the RSV is causing the fever. She has no other symptoms, she tested positive on a culture. I understand that antibiotics don't help viral infections, and I understand that there isn't a test to diagnose the flu or a common cold, and I understand that her immune system is compromised so her body reacts differently than normal. I don't understand how someone can think it is no big deal for a person to be fighting a one-oh-four fever for over a week. Anyway, I am hoping that tomorrow is a better day. I don't think I have ever been so frustrated in my life. I also told myeloma doctor and jerky doctor that we came to UAMS because it is supposed to be the best, but I did not feel that we had received the best treatment. The standard of care received was poor, and it is unacceptable for it to continue. I also told a nurse that we pay the insurance company that pays the clinic and physicians, and they are providing a service to us.

I didn't yell today. I don't regret anything I said or did today. My mom is fighting for her life, and my dad is right beside her. I don't mind speaking up for them. If things don't improve in the next few days, I will jump up and down on someones desk if that's what I have to do to get some quality care. I am praying really hard that it doesn't come to that. I know that my God reigns, and He is in control. We will go home when it's time.

I'm so dizzy my head is spinnin'

Day two in Little Rock. It has been a rough day all around. We went to the clinic this morning. Mom's CRP fell, which is good news. She has felt bad all day. It has been a struggle to get her to take her medicine. It seems to take all her energy just to swallow some pills. Her fever is trying to come back. She also vomited a few times and she has coughed a lot. Tomorrow we are supposed to see the physician. Hopefully we can get them to run more tests and find out what is going on with her.

On top of that, my vertigo has made a comeback. Friday night I took a shower and I was packing and I felt dizzy, but I thought it was stress. I was rushing around and tried not to think about it. Yesterday I was fine. Today when we got home from the hospital I knew my vertigo was messing with my head. I don't have my medicine, but Chris told me to take two anti-histamines and go to bed. I will do that soon, because we have to be at the clinic at 7am tomorrow.

Chris starts classes tomorrow. I hate that I am not going to be there to help him transition. I didn't really have time to get his stuff ready for the week. There are some leftovers in the freezer and he has clean dresses shirts and underoos, so I think he can make it until I get back.

"As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes." ~Mel Brooks

lazy day

Today has been restful and relaxing, besides having to take two quizzes. We all slept late. I got up around eight and ate cereal and then I went back to bed until around one. (I told you it was a lazy day.) We did not have to be at the hospital at all today. Tomorrow is a big day, we will be at the hospital from 7 am til around 7 pm. Tuesday will be another day off. Wednesday we meet with Dr. Barlogie. That will probably take all day. We spoke to a nurse a few days ago and she seemed to think Mom's treatment will begin immediately since we live far away. We ate at Outback last night, yum. We had leftovers for lunch and we will order in for dinner or send Dad to go get something. We also have to make a Wal-Mart trip. I hate Wal-Mart, but it is a lot easier than stopping at the drug store and the grocery store. I will be going home Thursday or Friday because I have a finance test Sunday. I really should not even be taking that finance class right now. I am praying for a C.

Chris and I talked for a long time last night, like an hour and a half. We haven't really talked that much since I have been gone. We didn't really talk about anything important, just silly everyday stuff. Talking to him makes me miss him worse. He said that Brooks is good. Chris stayed at his mom's house a few days, and somehow Brooks discovered how to get out of his crate. I think he is escaping the crate because he is looking for me (haha). Chris is now having to deal with the Houdini dog. I think it is so funny. I told Chris to not even put him in the crate and just let him hang out in the house but Chris is afraid he will eat the couch. Brooks could easily eat the couch if he wanted, and I don't think Chris can handle that right now :P

cancer sucks

We bought my mom a cap today that has "Cancer Sucks" written on the front of it. It came from the cancer center gift shop. 70% of the proceeds from the gift shop goes to a beauty salon in the hospital that helps women with cancer. And they give free wigs to people going through chemo. I think that is way cool. Anyone that has been diagnosed with cancer or had family members with cancer of any kind knows that the statement on the hat is very much true. We are hanging in, just taking it a day at a time. Everyone at the hospital has been super duper nice. Nice people make the entire process a little bit easier.

I have been trying to study. Marketing is going well, finance is going a little bit slower. Enough about school. Good news, The Company Store had the shams and decorative pillow that matched the quilt I bought on eBay. The stuff is on clearance so the entire collection is not available, but I kept checking because sometimes returns and exchanges are re-listed for resale. I ordered the pillow yesterday. The shams became available this morning while I was at the hospital and my blackberry was being a crackberry and I could not order from my phone. (Perhaps this happened because I was in the basement of the hospital.) I texted Chris and I was like, "Call me quick, I need a favor!!!" I am sure he thought something was wrong. He called me and I told him that I need him to order those shams, and he did. He asked me why we needed two shams, and I told him because I said so, and then he proceeded to tell me he did not know what shams were. Oh Chris. He thought a sham was "the thing that goes on the bottom of the mattress." He learned something new today. Anyway, my guestroom should look something like this, except the walls are green. I have this really cute wrought iron heart to hang above the bed. I also have a green antique mirror from the 50's that will go somewhere.

Chris said that Brooks had an encounter with a chicken snake this morning, but he is okay. I am glad I was not there, because a snake would definitely induce a panic attack of some kind (even if Brooks is not involved). Sometime this weekend my parents and I are going to go to the movies to see Wall-E if my mom is feeling okay. There is a brand new IMAX theatre about two minutes from our apartment. There are several restaurants and places to shop (Target, Lifeway, PetsMart, pretty much anything you can think of) within ten minutes of the apartment. I am sure we will find something fun to do tomorrow.

be still

Wow, tomorrow is June 26. I cannot believe how fast everything has happened! It seemed like we would never reach this point, but then everything kinda fell into place and here we are. My family is just beginning a long journey. We drove by the hospital today, so we would not be late or lost in the morning. The way everything has worked out amazes me. God is in control. We could not have planned this situation out ourselves. The more I think about it, the more I realize how powerful God is. I am so thankful that I have parents that I can care for. I am thankful that I have an understanding husband. I am thankful that my dad has a great job so he can be here without worries. I am thankful that my mom's faith in God is so strong; I have no idea how people can go through situations like this without His grace. I am thankful that God has put my family in a situation where we can travel so that my mom can receive the best possible medical attention. I am thankful that God remembers His people and keeps His promises. I am excited to see what will happen next. A little scared too, but then I just remember one of my favorite verses:

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10

red starburst are my favorite

I am sitting in our hotel in Little Rock. Mom did really well traveling so we decided to keep driving. We will not check into the apartment until tomorrow night. We don't have to be at the hospital until Thursday. The trip was good. My dad kept the air conditioner on HIGH (yes HIGH) the entire trip. We stopped at the Mississippi state line, then we stopped in Olive Branch, Mississippi, for a Wal-Mart trip and at Chick-fil-A for drinks. We stopped again somewhere (I am not sure where) in Arkansas for dinner, and the again at a rest area about forty-five minutes from Little Rock. The Durhams and the Cordells and the Morrows sent us two huge boxes of snacks and a basket with note cards and crosswords and things like that. I opened a bag of starburst and I ate all of the red ones I could find. That can't be good this close to bedtime.

I just won my bid on eBay on the comforter for the guest room. I am working on the guest room stuff and I am not even home! Yay me! The comforter I wanted was from The Company Store and they ran out of the size I needed. I thought I would check eBay to see if they happened to have it listed, and they did! What are the odds? The only thing is the person that I bought from is a new seller so let's just hope I get the (right) item that I purchased. And The Company Store no longer has the shams to match, so maybe those will turn up on eBay soon.

Brooks was super-sad this morning when I left. He watched me load the car. He was very excited because I usually pack the car and then get his stuff and we go to my parents'. But today I said, "No, Brooks stays." The look on his face broke my heart. Chris and I said a pretty quick good-bye since he had to be at work really early. We didn't really dwell on me leaving. But Chris did forget his eye doctor appointment tonight and I am not sure if he ate dinner...poor Chris. I miss them both terribly :*(