What am I to you?

I guess it depends on who you ask, but since it's my blog and I am asking myself, I am going to answer. (This is a sign of mental instability, huh? Oh dear.)

I am a God-fearing lady that recognizes (though never enough) that I am a terrible person that has been saved only by the grace of God. I realize that nothing I do will make me good enough for God, but thankfully all I have to do is accept Him and believe! How wonderful! Sort of on the same topic, I don't think that God punishes His people. Jesus paid the price for my sin, and that is that. He suffered so that I wouldn't have to. Not saying that He doesn't allow bad things to happen, because He does. I am constantly working on my eternal perspective. Buddy (the pastor at Hunter Street) says that the most important thing about you is your concept of God. Think about that for a while...

If you have ever talked to me longer than five minutes, then you know that I am absolutely smitten over my husband. Sure, I hassle him on a daily basis, but he really is my most favorite person ever. He is so talented and driven and I am beyond blessed to be able to share a life with him! I am so proud of how he has made goals and worked to achieve his (and our) goals. He is proof that if you work hard, you can be successful. We have been together almost nine years (wow) and married for almost three! We balance each other. Are we always happy? Negative. But we realize that unrealistic expectations and basing actions upon feelings will let us down. Every time. I tell Chris the reason marriage is a lifetime commitment is because it takes that long to get it right.

Of course I say I am a dog-lover, but I really only love my dog. Ha. Just kidding. Sort of. I tell Chris all the time that Brooks is the best "thing" he ever bought me. Brooks is just so hilarious and fun and sweet. We got him a few weeks after we got married, and Chris and I agree that theshubertfam wouldn't be the same without our sweet little pup. I can say with a ninety-nine percent level of confidence that we will never get rid of all the dog hair. He is totally worth the extra vacuuming and dusting. If Brooks could speak English, he would say that I am his favorite person ever and I should never ever leave him in the crate again.

If you ask my friends who I am, I am sure the answer would be a mixture of loud/funny/flaky/ridiculous/way too domesticated friend that NEVER calls them, so they must always call me. Hmm, I need to be a better friend. For sure. But I do pray for my friends almost every time they cross my mind. I hope that helps me be less flaky? Most of the time I am very forward with my thoughts. I feel like I am an approachable person. I love to laugh. I am working on being a better listener.
Of course, you know I lost my mom to cancer. The grief over her physical death has been a process. Sometimes I feel like I am the only person that misses her. I know that's not true, but it is something I have been dealing with lately. I rejoice in the fact that my pain is temporary. I really don't want to sound like a broken record in my posts, but I miss her terribly and I hope you don't mind reading my thoughts as I learn to cope...

I am sure some people would call me lazy...in fact, I am pretty sure people say that. And it's true, depending on your standpoint. I cook three meals a day, clean, and do a lot of other random things (gardening, working on my fitness, playing with Brooks, online shopping...) that take up the day. I do think that it gets on people's nerves that I don't have a job yet. I have applied for jobs, but I am reluctant to take a job that I don't really dig because I am afraid I won't ever advance my career and education (yeah, yeah, Chris won that argument, ha). I am also loving this break! It seems like I was in school forever! I have also used my free time to work on my marriage and myself. I have spent some time reflecting, and I will probably share more things I have found, besides this post. I feel like this break is a once-in-a-lifetime deal, because third year of medical school is crazy-busy and fourth year we will be traveling all over for interviews, and then intern year we will be moving, then kids, and, well, you get the idea. So I don't think I am lazy, but it's okay if you think I am.


What would Dr. Hubby say about me? He says that I am a better writer than a talker. He would probably also say that I should go to grad school and quit wasting my mind staying at home and become his sugar momma again, even though I know he secretly loves me staying at home. He would probably also say that I am so random and I have a difficult time concentrating. He loves my cooking. I don't really know what else, I mean, he says a lot. Maybe we will be fortunate enough for him to leave a comment and let us know what he has to say...

Other random, useless information about me...I like shoes, and painting my toenails, and changing m hair color (see above pictures), and eating good food, lemon drop martinis, fountain cokes, and all things music. I am very much in touch with my inner thirteen year old. I love Twilight, and nineties music, and ice cream.

Okay, so I didn't type all of this to bore you, but I feel like my blog is taking a new direction, and I felt like I needed to get all of this on here so I can improve the quality (and frequency) of my posts! So tell me, who do you think I am?

full circle

It's been a long time since I have written a really long post, so here goes. Yesterday marked the four month anniversary of my mother's physical death. Four months? It seems so far away, yet the pain and sting of death is still very fresh. As I photographed my Asiatic lilies a few days ago, I remembered one of my very first blog posts, around this time last year. Last May, I was worried about my mom, thinking we might only get a few more years together. I was worried about being a good wife, and about my classes and whether or not I would be able to graduate. I never thought death would come so soon. But it did. And while I haven't let her death destroy me, it has definitely knocked me down. The last few weeks have been...better, in some ways. Worse in others. The past few months are nothing more than a blur. I am thankful for that. It really helped the time pass faster. Of course time doesn't make the hurt go away, but it has allowed me to begin to realize how things are (aren't?) for me now. There are several reasons I haven't been posting much lately. I am not going to go into that right now, but I am working on a post to try to describe it while being as tactful as possible (yeah, right). Some of you may know why, and I am still not sure if I will publish the post about it or not. But I might. I realized, as I am stepping out of this mental fog, that I haven't been keeping you updated on our lives like I should. Hmm, what to say? Chris's board exam is OVER and he PASSED! Hooray! We are seriously looking at Mayo for residency. That is a few (two) years away, but the more I look into it, the more appealing it sounds. Not Minnesota, sillies, the residency program and the fact that I will actually get to see my husband. Brooks is seriously the best dog ever. I know I say that all of the time, but he is really getting better with time. He has calmed down some, but he is still a blast to be around. I have spoiled him so much. I am not sure what we are going to do when I start working...speaking of me working...I have been applying for jobs at mental health facilities in Tuscaloosa and Birmingham. I got offered a job in Montgomery, but that is a little too far for me. I have a VERY PROMISING interview coming up soon, so pray that goes well for me! I am still bouncing back and forth about a Master's degree...still haven't taken the GRE. Surprise. I think I will eventually get my Master's, but I may wait until Chris is in residency. Chris and our Sunday School softball team are in play-offs next week. I am still in my church history class, but we are taking a break for two weeks. I have been cooking more than ever lately, but nothing too terribly exciting. Okay, I know most of you won't read all of this, so I posted some pics of what we've been up to lately. I actually made it into a few of these. Shocker, I know. Enjoy!

Family Group Outing

Mother's Day Weekend with Chris's Fam

favorite skirt Mother's Day with my Nana
Brooks was inspecting the planter that Chris built for our vegetable garden. It is absolutely perfect. Because Chris is a perfectionist. Sigh.

Finished product...Eggplant, squash, zucchini, cucumber, jalapenos, bell peppers, and some herbs.

I painted this. Not at Sips n Strokes. At my house. From my mind. Notice the paw print, the caduceus, and the heart. The words are lyrics from our favorite DMB song. It is hanging right by the front door. You should come to our house and see it in real life *cough*Megan*cough*.

I love this face.

My Asiatic Lilies

I meant to show these to you sooner. My dear friend J had these bracelets made out of the flowers from my Mom's funeral. Neat, huh?

Husband Chris Shubert at our Sunday School Crawfish Boil

Mirror Image of theshubertfam. Surprisingly it only took about four shots to capture this one.

Things My Mother Taught Me

~Girls don't spit. Or sit with their legs spread open.

~It's okay to cry.

~Improvise, because life happens with some unexpected things.

~Keep the saran wrap in the freezer so it doesn't stick together when you use it.

~Don't forget to use PAM! (My mother was appalled to learn that I buy the Publix brand cooking spray, and not PAM. "Does it work???" she asked me.)

~Mistakes happen. Learn from your mistakes and make the best of your situation.

~Get a dog. Preferably a rescued dog. Dogs are the best.

~Be on time, and always be prepared. (I totally fail at this one.)

~Don't go in public looking like a bum. My mom always fussed at me if I rolled out of bed and went to class in sweats (which was, um, everyday) and no make-up. She said that I should always try to look my best for Chris. This is coming from the lady who was a stay-at-home mom and got up and got ready EVERY MORNING just to drop me off at school. Also, another funny side-note: One time Chris and I stayed with my parents and were going to go to church with them. I came out of the bathroom, fully-ready, and my mom looked at me and said, "Oh, are you not going to wear make-up today?" to which I replied, "Mom, I am wearing make-up." This was normal for us, with slightly different topics...hair, clothes, eyebrows...you get the idea.

~Sing in the morning, just because you're happy for another day of life.

~Find a church and get involved and serve the Lord!

~How to make cakes. Really good cakes. And frost and decorate, too. I am sorry if you've never had the joyful experience of trying one of my delicious cakes. Let me know, I'll bake one for you.

~The power of prayer. Not the ritual of praying, but slowing down and spending time with God.

~Selfless love. I told Chris today that I love our children already, and I hope that God gives me the opportunity to have kids and to love those kids the way that my mom loved me. It will be so scary to have kids and not be able to pick up the phone and call my mom for advice, but I will just take what she taught me and run with it. And while I am on the subject (this is, after all, my blog) I think that the way I love Chris and the way I will love our children is totally different, not even comparable. I think that one of the hardest things I have dealt with in my mom's death is knowing that no one will love me as selflessly as she did. She always told me, "No one loves you like your momma!" And she was right.

~My mother taught me to be a Godly wife. My parents were such wonderful role models for Chris and me. A family is the strongest form of socialization, and it takes everyone in their roles to function. I am so grateful for her strong example of loving my dad.

~Stand up for what's right. Right is not easy, but it's right, so do it.

~IOCS. That would be Independent Only-Child Syndrome. I inherited that from my mom. I like to do things my way, without regards to what others think. This may be one of my strongest traits, and I am happy to say it has served me well so far. It works in my marriage, because I have a super-busy Dr. Hubby, and *I* also think it is the root to much of my creativity. She also wanted me to get an education and be able to take care of myself.

Okay, so I could go on and on about things she taught me, but I just shared some of the important things. And the funny things. Obviously this list is not in order of importance. My mother was a wonderful person, and I can only hope to be one-tenth of the woman she was. I wrote this post to encourage you to think about your relationship with your mothers. Ask them questions...about your childhood, what they want for you in life, what they would have done differently in raising you. I would be THRILLED if any of you want to leave a comment (or send me an email) sharing some of the things your mother taught you. Happy Mother's Day!

"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his." -Oscar Wilde